"Tomat-ah Reeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh"

What is it with Southern people and the word, "red"? Errr... I mean, "Reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhh". Sometimes it can also be, "Reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhh-d", but most of the time I am left with my jaw hanging open as they complete their long, drawn-out recitation of this word with no "D" sound at its conclusion.

And whenever I have one of these thumb-less-warriors we call customers on the phone, trying desperately to place a wholesale order, lulling me into a trance with their encapsulating but grating version of the word "red", it seems as though they want to order this color in more styles, more sizes, more variations than any other color--and they are absolutely crushed and sometimes even angry or appalled when we are out of stock in any style or size in the color red. If it comes down to me having to deny them, and tell them that we do not have the color in whatever ugly polyester, half sleeve, gourmet, deluxe popcorn crap they are trying to order it in, well you'd think maybe I would get some kind of gratification in shutting them down, payback or something, but no--this is much worse! Because now they are going to ask me twelve or thirteen times, "So you don't have any reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhh? Mmm... mmm... You're all out of reeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh? None at all? You know when you'll be getting more reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhh in? Mmm, mmm, hmm... no reeeeeaaaaahhhh..." Long story short here, I'm looking at an extra 3-12 "reeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh"s, and that isn't something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy deep down inside.

It's almost as though their goal of the conversation they are having with me is to say the word that sends chills down my spine, as many times as they possibly can before I light myself on fire.

And sometimes it just seems like they get stuck in the middle of the word while they are trying to say it, and from the very beginning you can tell that they are going to possibly get stuck on the word this time, and that a longer than usual "eeeeeeeeeeaaaaaa" is what your future holds. Sometimes when a woman is mid "Reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh" but not quite finished, I actually picture in my head, someone being with them, and noticing that they were stuck on trying to get the word out--trying to finish saying it--and slapping them on the back firmly, as though they are burping a baby for example, or punching an annoying Southern, entitled, retarded woman in her back, finally resulting in her groaning the "eeeeaaaaahhhhh" sound to a halt, abruptly and inappropriately ending the word to my discontent, most of the time, as I mentioned, lacking a "D" sound.